Our Most Valuable Asset.

Kate and I are about the only two assets Pat has left, after all the evictions, other than the horses of course. Well Pat tells us we are assets and I frequently get told I am the only asset increasing in size that is size, not value. So when Kate fell on her bed with a high temperature, clutching her neck and pointing towards her tonsils Pat was understandably concerned. He demanded a torch; Kate's head was thrown back while we both peered down her throat. I withdrew hurriedly, it looked yuck all red and furry but Pat continued with a thorough investigation. Tonsils like ping pong balls, that was his diagnosis and he snapped off the torch. Kate was thrown into the back of the land rover pale and tearful and our most valuable asset was taken to the doctor, where tonsillitis was confirmed. Fortunately for us, we still have wonderful doctors and even more wonderful we can still afford to buy the drugs to cure it. As Kate was unfit for school, we were to be left alone at home without Pat's supervision. We were given strict instructions on keeping all doors locked and lectured on being security conscious. While I was walking round the house checking windows and doors I noticed the manhole into the ceiling in the passage. This would be a perfect place to hide Kate I thought in the event of the baddies coming. As I took them on in a gun battle with Sue Elton's Wonder Firecrackers, she would be able to shinny up the burglar bars from the inter leading door which would be locked, and she would be able to heave herself up into the relative safety of the roof. The diary of Anne Frank sprung to mind. Perfect. I prodded her awake. She stared at me bleary eyed. Kate! wake up we are doing a security exercise. She struggled up. What do you mean Mum?. Darling, I just want to see if you can climb into the ceiling in case we have a break in and they threaten us with rape. She reluctantly climbed out of bed reminding me her throat was sore and limped down the passage dragging her feet. Now darling! I instructed, climb up the burglar bars and see if you can hoist yourself into the ceiling. She clung helplessly from the top burglar bars, feet dangling. Sweetheart! you are going to have to do better than that if they come in waving their horrible thingies and threatening us. She tried again, Mum, she whimpered I am going to fall, I rushed to catch her, now she is twice my height, I grabbed her round the waist, we staggered wildly and then fell, Kate on top of me. I was severely winded and at that moment the phone rang. I answered breathlessly. It was Norma from the office. I can't talk now Norma I panted down the telephone, I am trying to put Kate in the ceiling. The was a stunned silence on the other end of the phone and then Norma said reasonably, Okay I will phone back later. I then tucked our most valuable asset back into bed. Don't worry darling I whispered gently we will try again tomorrow. Now Kate says if I send this email to anyone she knows she will kill me and she really means it.  

Mandy Retzlaff.
Mutare
Zimbabwe