Bantam Chicks and Ballet Dancers

While Soviet the vet was stitching Brutus the horse's bottom ( he had cut it on a fence scratching himself) Pat was about to give me my weekly riding lesson to improve my seat. As he hoisted me into the saddle the cell phone rang. He let go of me abruptly to answer the phone and I was left to flop face down over the saddle. I managed to slide off in an undignified fashion with the help of the groom and land on my feet without too much embarrassment. It appeared, listening to the conversation that Lyn Evans had a problem and needed the vet. Pat motioned wildly that I must dash up the road and stop Soviet before he left. I tore up the road at high speed waving my arms furiously and shouting till I was hoarse. When I reached Soviet he looked startled, I was gasping for breath clutching my heart. Fortunately he was still stitching, so I managed to rest my hands on my knees and regain my composure.. "Soviet "I panted between laboured breaths, Lyn Evans has a huge problem and you must not leave without phoning her.." My mind was racing was the sheep flock down with Trichostrongylosis, maybe a horse with a broken leg, could her big fat pet pig have Cystericercosis. It must be something really serious for Pat to get me to run like a demented thing up the road. Eventually Pat arrived on horseback, fully in control and held out his phone to the vet. Lyn Evans needs you to phone her urgently he told us gravely. What's the problem said Soviet looking more than alarmed. He too must have been imagining something epic and really terrible. We gazed at Pat apprehensively fearing the worst. Nothing too serious said Pat dialing her number she has a sick bantam chick and needs some advice. I looked round rather sheepishly but Soviet thank goodness had returned to his stitching.

My next meeting with Soviet took place in his surgery, I rushed in to get some tape worm remedy for the dogs. I found Soviet head in his hands bent over the counter. What's up? I said brightly. "I have a dog that was attacked by a wild pig and I am trying hard to save it," he rubbed his forehead wearily. ""The owners love it so much he continued sadly and I really hope I can save it." " You don't know how stressful this job is he suddenly burst out". I patted his arm and said soothingly "You know Soviet all jobs can be stressful from bricklayers to .. I looked at the ceiling for inspiration and came up with ballet dancers." Soviet suddenly perked up I know a dancer he confided. " But I wouldn't describe her as a ballet dancer. She's more of a.. he imitated someone taking their clothes off." A stripper you mean, I moved closer intrigued, tape worm remedy momentarily forgotten. "Yes she is a dancer and a stripper." My! I said that must be very stressful indeed." Soviet was now warming to the subject." Do you know that she needs body guards when she performs because the men become so frenzied they storm the stage." Is she a struggling medical student putting herself through University I enquired sympathetically. Well no! said Soviet but she's earning a lot of money, she has just bought a flat in Cape Town. Soviet's receptionist was now taking a keen interest in our conversation and she turned to me and asked unexpectedly if I was a ballet dancer. Feeling quite flattered I was about to reply, when Soviet burst into wild uncontrollable laughter, ballet dancer he exploded, clutching his sides don't be so stupid she is far too old. I made a hasty exit without my tape worm remedy I had certainly cheered Soviet up. The gorgeous Kate was impatiently sitting in the car. I got in and faced her. Darling, I want you to be brutally honest" Do I look too old to be a ballet dancer?"

Now for all the people who will write in and ask if the bantam chick and the dog survived I am pleased to tell you the bantam did with a drop of terramycin, the poor thing had a bout of chicken pox. I haven't had an update on the dog. For those of you who will be interested in Brutus's bottom that's coming along nicely.

Mandy Retzlaff
Bvumba
Zimbabwe

This letter is dedicated to Lyn Evans for her courage, determination and sense of humour, I salute you.