Friday, November 14, 2003

Ancestral Visa - A true story

Jonathan our 20 year old who is a apprentice hunter expressed a desire to go to the UK for the off season to work well that's what he said but I suspect its to have fun. It sounded a reasonable request until I had to get involved. As Jonathan retains a Zimbabwean passport he needed an Ancestral visa to allow him to work over there. Now five years ago, when I went this route for Pauly it was a piece of cake. Just dashed into the British High Commission with a handful of documents pertaining to one Grandparent and collected it a few days later, for something like 75 dollars. 

Well things have changed a lot. First of all an Ancestral Visa now costs 700,000.00 dollars that's what an air ticket cost about a year ago. Paying the 700 000 doesn't guarantee you will get one. It appears the BHC demand the relos bank statements so they can peruse them at leisure to see (in Jonny's case his Uncle) can keep Jonno in the style he is accustomed to. Before we went the Uncle route we tried his brother Pauly he was more than willing to send his bank statements but he thought the balance might put the British off as it read 58 pence. Its quite a business trying to get Uncles to send their banks statements to any old Joe in the British High Commission. Our Uncle was understandably hesitant! Who has access to all my bank statements he enquired, do you know Zimbabwe has the highest statistic of Bank Fraud in the world? So we had to try another Uncle who fortunately realizing our desperation obliged. 

You now stand in a queue, you have to arrive there at 4 am to secure a position near the front. I know you will have a hard time believing this for those of you who reside in first world countries. Once you have entered the hallowed doors of the BHC you stand in another queue until your number is called, so take breakfast and lunch. Well, I decided to do things differently against all advice. I grabbed the grandparents birth certificate and uncle's bank statements and headed on down to the British High Commission strode purposefully through the queue entered and made my way to the lift all undetected by security. Zoomed up to the BHC managed to get through two security guards and found myself in a room full of people I was the only European incidentally as I was hoping for some solidarity. Made a beeline without a number to the first available window and slammed down my envelope with an engaging smile. That's when things turned nasty. The stone face lady behind the window looked at me as though I had crawled out of a hole. Do you have a number she enquired as though something was stuck in her throat. Number? I enquired and gazed round the room as though looking for enlightenment. What do I need a number for? I have a British Passport . Within minutes, I was being escorted out, you would have thought I had tried to hold her up with a gun. Before I was thrown in the lift a Gentleman behind another counter called me over hopefully embarrassed by my plight. He told me smugly that I would have to stand in a queue at 4am to get to see someone so he advised that I send the documents through FedEx in Harare and it would take about a week. 

This undoubtedly has been the worst bit of advice I have ever been given in my life. So after my humiliating experience Jonathan and I drove to FedEx still clutching Granny's birth certificate. If the BHC was a nightmare FedEx was even worse. It seemed to be short staffed as two people tried to deal with 200. We eventually made our way to a desk where a woman was looking through a catalogue choosing wine glasses (I kid you not) when she had selected the glasses she wanted, we handed in all documents and then paid 20 000 to have our documents sent to another desk where we sat for another couple of hours and then with great relief Granny's birth certificate, Johnny's passport and Unc's Bank Statements were sealed in an envelope and we were on our way. Sound easy. Well the next day I discover to my horror that one of the documents has been left out of the envelope so I phone the BHC to see if I can fax it to them. After a lot of explanation and "you know we don't usually do this" I managed to get a fax number. Before I sent the fax number I had to get a waybill number from FedEx. So to cut a long story short FedEx never issued me with a receipt. Now I am not exaggerating when I tell you it is impossible to raise FedEx on the telephone. I eventually after about three hours managed to get through to possibly the most unhelpful person on the planet. I told her I had not been furnished with a receipt she of course told me that was impossible. Well I said why don't you look in your receipt book and find Jonathan's name and give me the receipt number over the phone. After another two days of phone calls it appeared that FedEx can't find any passport lodged with them under the name of Jonathan Kyle Retzlaff. That envelope I spluttered contains every important document we possess what do you mean you can't find it??. I had to lie down and take an aspirin and now look forward to Monday morning trying to get though to FedEx to see if they have found our application. Can't wait.!!! 

Now a bit of advice for those of you who might be going this route in the near future just stand in the queue and take your flask. And as for me I'd like to renounce my British Ancestry.

Mandy Retzlaff
Bvumba
Zimbabwe